20: Radical Acceptance and Our Bodies with MFT, Shirley Johnson

For many women, body acceptance can feel impossible and intangible. It’s a concept that seems hard to grasp, especially because we are conditioned from a very young age that our bodies equal our value. This starts a vicious cycle of yo-yo dieting, body shame and self-hatred for many women.

In this episode, Melissa chats with licensed psychotherapist and healing practitioner, Shirley Johnson. Shirley grew up in a multi-racial family and went on her first diet at the age of 10. She spent years yo-yo dieting, and fighting with her body while receiving mixed messages about it from different sides of her family. 

Shirley shares about her very vulnerable and long -long journey around loving and accepting her body, as well as the recent struggles she has experienced with weight gain during the pandemic. She believes that the recent weight is a teacher for learning next levels of self-love and self-acceptance. 

Shirley and Melissa also go deep into the industrial, modern, hyper consumer culture that has created a huge disconnect for humans with their body, and being out of touch with the earth and our own internal nature. Our bodies are now seen as a vehicle for consumption or to make money from, or to make someone else feel good instead of our own deeper connection to ourselves.

If you have been struggling with your body, weight gain, or feeling as though you never have accepted yourself or your body, then this episode offers deep insights and truths around how you can turn toward yourself and  heal the core wounds that keep you from fully loving and accepting your body.

Based in Oakland, CA by way of The Bronx, NY, Shirley has alchemized fifteen years experience of exploration of self and specialized training in astrology, energy work, psychology and yoga into a passionate profession: restoring intimacy and vulnerability in the collective consciousness through community building and healing.  

Shirley is a sought after speaker for various events and training on mental health and wellness, intimacy, and race She is also a contributor and lead trainer to yoga teacher trainings based around the country.  In her private practice, Shirley works with adults and couples and specializes in codependency recovery, communication, intimacy, and vulnerability, especially in Black women

RESOURCES:

Get more information on the upcoming series: Black Women Breaking up with Caretaking and Codependency

Follow Soulistic Wellness

Instagram: www.instagram.com/soulisticwellness

Facebook: www.facebook.com/SOULISTICWELLNESS

 Website: www.soulisticwellness.com

If you struggle with emotional eating, stress eating or yo-yo dieting, download my Food Freedom Guide HERE and take your power back from food today!

If you want to get some free coaching around a specific issue or challenge you are facing, be a guest on my show and let’s work it out together and help you Come Home to what truly matters;​ book a session here.

Find Melissa on her social media platforms:

Instagram: @melcostellocoach

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/groups/2004687

Youtube: www.youtube.com/user/karmachow

Website: www.karmachow.com

Transcript

Melissa Costello: 0:05

Hello. Beautiful humans. Welcome back to come home. I'm so excited that you decided to show up again here today. And I'm super excited about this episode. I am talking to licensed psychotherapist, Shirley Johnson, who is also a healing practitioner. I'm going to keep this intro really short, because I want to just dive into all of the goodness that this episode is. The title of it alone says so much radical acceptance and our bodies and Shirley and I go deep into. The multicultural multi-racial ways of being raised around our bodies and dieting and women and just, oh, there's so many layers to it. And I know you're going to get so much value and just a lot of insight and ahas from this episode. So I'm going to keep it really, really short. Make sure you check out the show notes and check out where you can find Shirley. She has a ton of incredible information. Her Instagram account soulistic wellness is just so inspirational to follow. The thing I love most about our conversation is the vulnerability and the rawness that Shirley shares with me around her journey with her body. And. going through COVID and putting weight on and really looking at her body as a learning to this kind of next level of her spiritual growth and practice. So without further ado, if I don't want to be cliche, or if I do want to be cliche, let's get on with this episode with Shirley Johnson. I know you're going to love it. Welcome Shirley. I'm so happy to have you on the show.

Shirley Johnson: 1:55

Thank you so much for having me, Melissa. It's an honor, and I'm excited to be here.

Melissa Costello: 2:00

Yay me too. Well, I just want to dive right in because you're someone I met through, we did a, an event online through athlete, a woman, and I was so inspired by you. And so I just, felt a connection with you. And so I reached out and I'm so glad we're here doing this, but why don't you tell the listeners just a little bit about yourself, who you are, what you do, as your career, you are such a multifaceted multidimensional woman, and I'm so excited to have you here to share your experiences and what you're doing.

Shirley Johnson: 2:34

well, I, professionally wise, these days spend most of my time as a therapist. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I work with couples and adults in my private practice. And I have a history of, I guess, over the last. 10 to 15 years, I've been studying a number of different energy medicines, metaphysics, and I incorporate that into my everyday life and to my professional life. And that's, I think I'm on the path of a mystic, I think is what makes the most sense these days to identify as, as even now being a therapist I'm currently also. Questioning. What is the evolution of this role? in a way that is reflective of my truth and of the world that we're in today.

Melissa Costello: 3:25

yes. And this last year, especially so much has come forward that, you know, has always been there, but I think had the light shone upon many, many different things. so you work with couples and I also know that you also work with women of color or black women. What type of work do you do there?

Shirley Johnson: 3:45

Yeah. I work mostly with couples and adults. I work with people of all races, but I work a lot with couples that are mixed race. And I work a lot with, and I love working with, black folks, especially black women and exploring desire and, authenticity in a world that at least I'm familiar with what it's like to be told. You know what my role is in the world and have to really reclaim like, Hmm. Actually that's not, that's not it for me. So of supporting folks who have maybe a similar narrative, and I know all many people in this world, regardless of race and gender, et cetera, have a certain story they're given when they come in. And some part of, you know, the mystics journey can be really uncovering and saying, hold on, I want to just move closer to the truth.

Melissa Costello: 4:34

That's so huge. Yeah. Cause I was reading on your, in your bio, this idea of a radical authenticity. I love that. Can you just speak to that a little bit? Like how that shows up for you or what that means for you and how you inspire others to live in radical authenticity?

Shirley Johnson: 4:49

to me, radical authenticity is truly a spontaneous practice of being present because what's radically authentic. You know, I think that panel that we were on that day, what was rapidly authentic for me that day, I was in a like, take no prisoners mood. I was like, I'm fucking. Saying it, however I want to say it. And then today, you know, I'm feeling a little more, I feel a little tender. I feel, you know, I feel really connected to, you know, some people in my family right now and thinking of them. So, it's a practice and it's the practice of just accepting ourselves. However, we show up and also not holding a rigid frame to try to put ourselves in.

Melissa Costello: 5:28

That's so huge. I was just talking to one of my clients about that yesterday. especially as women, we put so many expectations on ourselves, too, whether it's around being perfect or like a perfect mom or like whatever it is, we just put these high expectations. And I work with women around, you know, body image and weight loss, and some of the expectations that these women put on themselves around. what their body should look like, how they should lose weight, how much weight they should lose, what they should weigh. Right. Like it's huge. And I know that you've shared, there was an Instagram posts you had shared quite a while back, about, seeing yourself in that photo and immediately kind of going into the negative voices around your body. I'd love to hear just a little bit about your journey with that and how you navigate when those voices come up and You're in a body that you feel should quote, unquote, look different or be different,

Shirley Johnson: 6:21

yeah. Ooh. Okay, Melissa. Well, buckle up.

Melissa Costello: 6:26

Let's go. I'm ready.

Shirley Johnson: 6:32

so I'm going to share a little, a little context in history about, and I was really excited, you know, I remember in that panel, when you said something like, you know, all the different diets stuff, all the different weight stuff you've been subscribing to, you know, online or just personally like I remember you saying, the first thing you tell your clients is like, delete all of it because you're going to have to figure out your own COMPAS. And, you know, I think this all weaves in, and especially you bringing up also like my work with black women first, I'll just name my ancestry is. I am a multiracial woman. My mother is white and Western of mostly Western European, English, Scottish, Irish, Welsh descent, and some french

Melissa Costello: 7:13

Wow.

Shirley Johnson: 7:14

and my father is black of mostly west African and native American, Cherokee and black foot of, a the Southeast. And both of them American in this country for, you know, since the 16 hundreds and beforehand. So I was raised primarily by my mother who was white and from a young age, my mother became very, critical of my body And, you know, before, let's just say from a young age, meaning before I was seven years old, at seven years old, she put me on my first diet and my mom was also 23. When she had me, I don't want to paint her out to be a demon. she was doing her best and navigating a bunch Of things that the reason that she put me on that diet is a different story that I will not go into. But

Melissa Costello: 8:03

Okay.

Shirley Johnson: 8:04

on my first diet when I was seven years old,

Melissa Costello: 8:07

Wow.

Shirley Johnson: 8:09

And so since that age, I have been quite aware of just all of the different beauty standards, how they culturally differ, you know, in one family feeling very overweight and another family feeling like my weight was fine of what I look like, you know, being up for observation And so, you know, by the time I was a teenager, I, I definitely like valued you know, I grew up at the time when Kate Moss would be on the cover of all the magazines, that model. And when supermodel, like, was this whole thing, like, you know, I remember that time and I was very intrigued by it. And, you know, I didn't have the understanding that like there's just different body types. Like some people have a wafer body. Like period, and they can eat whatever they want. And they're going to look like that. And some people have a different body type. And so one of the illusions I was under, I think for such a long time as a child and was thinking that I could make my body type something different than what it was.

Melissa Costello: 9:13

that is. You know, such a by-product of our society. Right? I mean, yes, culturally and all of that. And I think so many of us, I know I grew up the same way thinking the same things, you know? I mean, I'm, I'm a white girl. So I, you know, I just grew up thinking, I need to look like the models, you know what I mean?

Shirley Johnson: 9:33

Yeah.

Melissa Costello: 9:33

I, you know, culturally, it's, it's almost like it's working against us, you know, and then. I love how you're saying, like in one family I felt okay. In another, I didn't. So then you had that kind of diversity there right? Of just like, wait a minute, like I'm okay here, but I'm not okay here. And then yeah. I'm battling against that,

Shirley Johnson: 9:51

Right. And being able to see at least like, okay, there's not one truth here. You know, there was something interrupting that even though I was really highly critical of my body and I also developed a very highly critical and competitive nature in my mind, around a lot of things, where at least there was some voices that were interrupting some of these standards I was working toward. especially over the last 18. And this has been the area of my life. I have constantly been very cognizant of, and in the last 18 months, as I shared that post of really seeing how my body had changed. And I think it took me a while to actually see that like, oh gosh, like I've gained some weight and. having to really like see that one. Yes. I have gained weight and two to like, know that I had a choice in that moment of like, I can hate myself for it, or this can actually be like a moment when I get to really. Double down on like, you know, you want to talk about self-love surely like here's your double-down practice of like being about self-love and knowing that even no matter what, in this moment, I know that this extra weight that I'm currently carrying, I know that it is my teacher for learning next levels of self-love That I cannot go pass until I am fully loving my body, whether it's 20 pounds heavier or 20 pounds lighter. And the other part of what I was learning from that moment, when I shared that post is that, and I think, I imagine this is a lot, what you talk about is that so much of what I think I know about weight is actually. Very limited. And that what the downloads I was getting was that weight is about so much more than how much calories you take in and how much calories you burn a day. It is about energetics. It's about sensitivity. It is about the body. As one of my supervisors said years ago, one of my clinical supervisors said. The body is the psyche hardened. And thinking about recently, I've been thinking about weight as protection and during a pandemic, when people are myself included are really getting in touch with their mortality and getting in touch with the fact of like, there's, there's a lot, that's out of control of creative ways that we will protect ourselves

Melissa Costello: 12:14

wow. I just so appreciate what you're sharing. and what you said about this is where I get to learn right. About, I want to talk about self-love. this is where I really get to turn toward myself and practice that. And even with all of the. Ideas we have around what our bodies should look like. And then when we gain weight and coming to terms with that and facing that and really being able to love ourselves through that, that is such a freaking hard practice, And it's where. I feel like for myself that I received so much freedom around my body, being able to accept it wherever it was, you know, when I was 30 pounds heavier. And I just felt tortured by that all the time, And. Through doing the radical, self-acceptance the really turning toward myself and looking at my deeper wounding around my body and physicality and value in the world. And I mean, that's so huge. It's such a big practice and I just so acknowledge you for sharing that and it's just so inspirational, but it's really scary for a lot of people, Do you feel like a lot of the body stuff shows up in your work that you do with couples and, or, black women in general? Do you feel like that's a big part of a struggle?

Shirley Johnson: 13:31

Yeah. I mean, I think that body image is like, you're saying it's so tender most of us have, imprinted somebody else's message at some point about our own body. About this body, this animal body that is so wise, like the other part is for me has been like, what would it be like to just trust that my body is doing what's best and trust that if my body is putting weight on that, that is what I need, Right. Like to really be like, what is it like to, because the body's function is, is to work in collaboration with the psyche and the spirit to. Support one in fulfilling their destiny and their purpose, you know, on a, on a certain level. So yes, I'd say many black women, many people in the couples I work with definitely are, in some way or another speaking to wanting to reclaim. the experience of their body. I don't even want to say their body because then there's an idea of like, I have to claim and control my body, but the experience that we're having of our body and I think especially, I'm thinking from a intergenerational trauma lens. specifically, I'll speak two black women as, as a big population of who I work with is where dealing with, you know, and again, this is not every black woman's story or every black woman's intergenerational lineage, but for many of us we're talking about Holding the intergenerational trauma of our bodies being in bondage and literally our bodies being a commodity. So we are getting to a place I believe now where, for some of us, myself, it's safe now to do some of this deconstructing and to look a little deeper, but it is tender. It's really tender because there's a lot of grief then there's a lot of.

Melissa Costello: 15:23

Yeah. I felt my heart just like sink. when you talked about bodies and bondage and that trauma, oh, I just felt my heart sink immediately. Like I can't even fathom can't even fathom that,

Shirley Johnson: 15:36

Yeah. And, and I mean, I think I would really want to call to action, everyone to try to fathom it, because right. now, everyone on a level, anyone who would, put into bondage, another person or attempt to do that, Is in bondage themselves. And what we were really talking about is on a level, I think is, you know, this industrial, modern, hyper consumer culture that has really gotten human beings out of touch with the earth and with their knee, with their own internal nature. And therefore has thought their body is also something for consumption or something to make money or something to make someone else feel good about something. And That's actually not the function of a body on a level. and so we're all I think, have this wound in us and it looks, you know, there's a different way we have to get to the wound if you know, depending on your race and your gender and your other identities, it's going to maybe take a different route. But you know, all, even thinking of white women, I think about my white ancestry, I can do, you know, I can maitre lineal, trace my ancestry all the way to the 15 hundreds in England, through my mother's line of women, just going through the mother line and being like those women were in bondage to in a puritanical, like, super You know, what do you call it? The, kingdom, you know, all of that

Melissa Costello: 17:02

Oh, yeah,

Shirley Johnson: 17:03

very bonded, Jane the religion. And so if people really want to get real about freeing themselves, they're going to have to look at where they have been captive

Melissa Costello: 17:13

yeah.

Shirley Johnson: 17:13

And It's gonna be a different route for every person and, you know, obviously

Melissa Costello: 17:16

It's such important work because I feel like as humans, you know, it's, the body is just so vulnerable, you know, and as you said, it's tender and it's, it's what we're here in. Right? It's our vehicle. you know, I mean, we can't separate it from, like you're saying the psyche and all of that, and just going through these the pandemic and all the uncertainty. And so many of us were in survival mode and just our nervous systems on overload. Right. And just looking to food to soothe that just, the craziness of what's going on, a lot of people were turning toward food just because we needed something that felt. That we could control something or something that felt like, oh, this grounds me or the suits near this comforts me, And I, again, have a lot of women who come to me and they've, they're coming to me, hating their bodies. And I, I spent a lot of my life hating my body and. for me, when I started to really appreciate my body was when I got into yoga and I was doing a lot of freeform dance, and I know that you're a Kundalini yoga teacher. And so I was wondering for you, what are your practices for really, just getting in your body and feeling kind of, you talked about the animal body, Getting into the body and feeling just embodied Because I feel like so many of us live in our heads and we're just kind of dis we're living from the chin up, and we're disconnected. We don't trust our bodies. We're always kind of fighting against them. And so what, what are your practices to help you get in your body and, and body and feel all that?

18:49

today's episode is sponsored by the food freedom guide. If you're someone who has been stuck in yo-yo dieting world, and you're sick and tired of restricting your food, counting calories and feeling deprived to lose weight, the food freedom guide will give you all the answers. You need to take your power back from food, lose weight in a sustainable way and end emotional eating. Go to my website@karmaciao.com. Click on the red button and get your copy today.

Shirley Johnson: 19:19

Yeah, I think the first thing is dance. So I'm with you on that. And in any Kundalini yoga class that? I teach, we always dance. Whether it's warm up, we always have some freeform dance. And I always, also like I mix it up with dancing and shaking. Really just kind of doing that kind of movement. That is very like, it's not for performance, it's for your body. You know, it's like your body is doing it. And I was a Vinyasa and Hoppa yoga practitioner and teacher for years, Kundalini has been what I primarily teach at this point. And. I remembered at times feeling somewhat stifled in that practice because it can be, you know, so alignment focused and do that and do that and do that. That's why sometimes that like freeform dance or dancing in general, to me just feels like there's freedom. Like I don't have to worry about is my knee over my ankle. And am I, you know, tilting my pelvic bone and, and the, I don't have to worry about the anatomy of my body being. This, that and the other, I just need to move. So moving is moving my body walking and also spending time in nature. So definitely for me, even just spending time by an ocean, spending time, hiking, I love hiking. I love being outdoors the other week. I was away in North Carolina and. We were staying at this place that had like a big hill grassy hill. And I was like, my friend was like, I want you to push me down the hill, like

Melissa Costello: 20:48

Oh,

Shirley Johnson: 20:50

And she was like, I want to do it. She's like, I want to push you down. I was like, Yeah. Yeah. we going to do it. And like just getting pushed down the hill felt so embodying Melissa was like, I felt like this is it. And also dancing. And it was so hot and humid there. And one afternoon it just started raining and just going out and dancing in the rain with my friends who were there was so embodying, like this is what my body was designed to do.

Melissa Costello: 21:19

I'm so feeling it I'm with you.

Shirley Johnson: 21:22

Those are like my go-to shoes, like dance, take a long walk and get into nature. Like if I can't do anything else, that's very technical. Those are the things that I are going to like remind me of and taking baths. I'd say too

Melissa Costello: 21:38

Yeah. that's kind of a different feeling, right? Like I feel in the bath, you really like, let get to let your body go, just kind of this surrender in a way, And I think yoga and, and being in nature, you can surrender as well, but yeah, I just think of a bath, like, aha, just like kind of envelops, our body, it was interesting. I was talking to a client the other day and she, we just started working together not long ago, but she was talking about how. disconnected. She's been from her body at a very young age. I think Same as you age of seven, put on a diet and her mother was very diet focused and she has always seen body movement only as a way to lose weight and burn calories. And so she's now in a phase in her life. She's, she's a little bit older where she's like, my body's happy being idle. It just wants to sit on the couch. And I said to her, I'm going to challenge that because I think that that's just you rebelling against the programming that you've got. because our bodies were meant to be mobile. And so I was challenging her around. Let's find what feels good. let's not even look at it as exercise. Let's look at it as just movement and what feels good to you. And she's like, well, I love she takes like salsa dancing or something. and she's like, I love that, you know? And I said, well, next time you go, Instead of maybe even looking in the mirror, just close your eyes and move your body and see if you can just feel your body in a different way. And I think so many of us are conditioned. From a young age. I know I was around exercise and that's it. You have to do it. And then you can lose weight. And like I said earlier, when I got into yoga and dance, that was when I really started to honor like, feel my body in a different way,

Shirley Johnson: 23:17

Oh yeah, I can totally relate to that for sure. And I also love Cuban salsa dance. big, big medicine.

Melissa Costello: 23:24

yeah, the movements are so beautiful and sexy and yeah. Ah,

Shirley Johnson: 23:29

When you get to those points in the dance, where you realize that you're communicating with another body non-verbally and you realize like this is always available it's made me way more aware of how I'm communicating with my body and how others are communicating to me with their body. that's not always verbal. And the beauty of that, learning to trust. It was a whole part of the process of learning to dance salsa, but it's been very, very rewarding and healing.

Melissa Costello: 24:00

Yeah. Oh my God. That's amazing. And just thinking about you rolling down that hill and, I think when we were children, even we were put on a diet at the age of seven, but I feel like when we're that young, we're so much more in our bodies, right? We're not even really thinking. I mean, I started to separate from my body around 11 or 12 but I just remember I played sports and I just was just in my body, I didn't even really think about it until. Then I started to take in all these magazine images and go, oh, wait a minute. I don't look like that. And, and right. All the madness started. So I love, I love just this vision of you rolling down this hill and like embodying being in your body and just the joy of that. So I want to switch gears a tiny bit, but I wanted to ask you when your. Because I think as humans, a lot of us have a belief that like, everything should be okay or we should be okay, or Like, how are you? Fine. Everything's great. Right. Even though when it's not. So I'm wondering for you, like, when you're going through say like a dark time or a downtime, what are the things that you do to support yourself through that?

Shirley Johnson: 25:13

the first thing that? I try to do is really give myself permission to be in that time, like not trying to stop it, not trying to sugar coat it, not trying to downplay it, but really being like, okay, this is where we're at. Like I'm going to go full on in. This is it. and really being compassionate with myself in those moments. And I'm very lucky. And I have, been working with my therapist for about six years and I work with her weekly and, having that support there, that support in place. And the also sometimes I'll be protective of myself and be like, I know that there's people I adore, but that. are not really supportive. And when I'm in that time that they all have high tolerance for it in themselves. So they'd probably don't have high tolerance for it in me and feeling like it's Okay, though. You know, I do have some friends who for sure can hold the space in it and love that part of me. That's going through whatever I might be going through, but also like being clear about like who I want to be around and being honest with myself and not trying to get something from someone who doesn't have it to give.

Melissa Costello: 26:19

Yeah, I think that's huge because it's, it's so important that when we're in these vulnerable spaces or these spaces where we feel really tender or, I mean, I was in a dark place a couple of weeks ago. And I was like, man, I don't want to see anyone. I, for me it's really been a practice of learning how to be kind to myself through those moments and I tend to isolate. And so I've had to train myself to reach out and ask for help, And I think a lot of women, they struggle with that, like reaching out for help to the people who can support them and show. Love for them. I think that that's so important what you're saying and having that support of your therapist and knowing like this, person's going to hold that space for me, so. Just to kind of recap what you said, really just kind of accepting where you are, right. Honoring yourself, where you are not trying to change it, which I think is huge because I think as humans, we hate to be uncomfortable. And the first thing we want to do is, oh, I got to change this. That's why so many people drank or numb with food or write, do all these kinds of behaviors and it's such a practice, so can you just quickly talk about like this is a weird question. Like, what does that look like? But even just kind of like your internal self-talk, like, how do you talk yourself through those moments?

Shirley Johnson: 27:35

One of the things that, my therapist, I'm going to share a word that she uses to me, she'll be like, Badgery exaggerated. And so part of me is like, I exaggerated, I exaggerated. If I'm happy, I'm exaggerating. If I, and this, and I'll just sidebar real quick and say, this is something I I'm still learning to do. I'm glad I'm talking about it so I can refresh myself. But when I was bringing that practice to eating and being like, if I like something I want to exaggerate and be like, oh, this is slow good, because that's what it's about. Right? Like what if I don't like something being like, Ah, this isn't that good? so the same is true in how I feel being like, if I'm sad, I want to be like, I'm sad. I want to play all my email. Port is head massive attack. watch love, actually. I want to make it a mood, right? The same way as if I was feeling happy and I want to listen to a Beyonce album and I want. open all my windows. Like I want to exaggerate it. So especially in those moment and we're we, and this is not always true because most of the time, if we have a hard time giving ourselves permission to be sad, it'll show up. We have to give ourselves a hard time fully letting ourselves be happy But, you know, so that looks like for me being like, I feel sad. I feel down, I feel hopeless. I'm going to make it a mood on the. I'm gonna listen to this music. That's going to make me cry. I'm going to journal. I'm going to, really like give myself space to feel that emotion as exaggerated informed as I can. right. I'm not trying to hide it. I'm not trying to sugarcoat it. I'm not trying to make it a little less sad. Now. I want it to be as sad as I can get to. So that's one part and some of the self-talk. I think just looks like being like encouraging myself. Yep. Feel it. Yep. Do that. Don't pick up the phone, you know, of course, knowing that there's a, it's a balance between. Isolation and, asking for help, but sometimes it's like, I know I just need this space for myself. I just need to be in my own energy feeling what I feel. So that, that would be the main thing I would say is really exaggerated. Like watch the, watch the movies that are going to make your crop, like, get it all out. Like don't, don't do it halfway. Like, and, and I think that's something I'm still trying to learn with food. It's like, if I'm hungry for something, like don't do it halfway, like

Melissa Costello: 30:02

go for it

Shirley Johnson: 30:03

or drink the thing and enjoy it fully.

Melissa Costello: 30:05

and own it, right? Like own it. This is what I'm doing.

Shirley Johnson: 30:09

I didn't, I'm just giving an example. I'm being like, you know, being like I had an amazing piece of pizza, like own it.

Melissa Costello: 30:17

Yes.

Shirley Johnson: 30:17

and not just being like, oh, I grew up hearing language such as I'm so bad. I ate such and such. I ate lasagna for lunch. Oh, I'm so bad. I had a piece of steak,

Melissa Costello: 30:28

Oh my gosh. I know. Oh, I got to start over on Monday or, oh, I can write like all the crazy nonsense diet voices, so crazy. You know, I still love this. I love this idea of exaggerating because. What I found when I start to do more of the deeper emotional work with, with my community. They're so scared of it, And well, what if I start to feel, and I get stuck there, Like what if I go down in this deep dark hole and I can never get out. And so I love what you're saying, because it's like, that's showing you. That you're not going to get stuck there, right? If you can like exaggerate and just be where you are and really let yourself be in the sadness. That's one of the quickest ways to come out of it actually, right. Is to like really fully embrace it and not be so scared of it because I know for myself personally, like when I allow myself to fully embrace it and feel it all in real time, I'm able to like maybe spend two days doing that. And then I can come out the other side, but I think a lot of people who are consistently numbing and pushing down emotions and they're walking around just kind of feeling like, eh, all the time, Just this like underlying kind of dissatisfaction or Discontentment, I love the exaggerate. I think that that's like the golden key ticket from today.

Shirley Johnson: 31:47

Truth is that it's like, I've seen it time and time and time, time and time again, which is like, I've witnessed my own resistance to being like, oh, but it's like, okay. No, let me just go all the way in and what I've seen, how I've seen it lift and how I've seen things come through the other side so quickly and realize, you know, all these emotions want to do is be felt fully. Like I remembered even recently I was in a pissed off little angry mood and I just was like, I'm just going to feel this way. I'm just going to feel this way. And I had said to a friend of mine, you know, you don't have to hang out with me cause I'm really pissed and angry and crotchety right now. And she was like, I don't care. And I was like, okay, cool. I just want to tell you, so you know what it is. And then another friend came over and was like, I am so annoyed. And I, and I told her I was feeling annoyed and she was so validating and it was so healing to like, not try to pretend I wasn't annoyed, not try to pretend I didn't feel something and have this woman just come out of nowhere and validate me and it was a reminder that if I stay with my feelings, like authenticity is always going to be the answer, but you're Right. I hear this all day. Well, I'm going to get stuck there. What if it never changes? And it's true. That that is a very common thought that the mind will present as a way to not go deeper, but you're not going to get stuck there. And if you do, and I always say to my clients, I'm like, okay, well, if you do get stuck there, you know. how to do it? This. So you can always just come back and do it this way. Give yourself a chance to have the experiment of doing it differently. And then if it doesn't work, go back to the way you did it. And you, you don't have to say another word about it.

Melissa Costello: 33:33

That feels like such a strong anchor. You know what I mean? To be able to like, say, oh, we'll just come back to this. Cause you already know this. So I feel like that would make it less scary for people. I love that. It was funny when you were talking about, when we're pissed off or when we're emotional and we don't allow ourselves to feel it, like, I remember I used to be pissed off at myself that I was pissed off. Like I'm angry at myself because I'm angry, And that never helped anything that just like kept me stuck in it for much longer than I needed to be there.

Shirley Johnson: 34:04

Yes. I have judgment that can come

Melissa Costello: 34:06

Uh, I know, I know. Oh, it's so important for us to be kind to ourselves and it's, so yet it seems so difficult. I know for me, it's, it's been years of practicing and learning and, you know, and I definitely still have my moments. Oh, my gosh, Shirley. Well, this was so beautifully rich. I'm so grateful that you came on the show. I would love if you would tell people where to find you, where they can follow you. Just anything. If you have any upcoming online events that people could join, that would be amazing.

Shirley Johnson: 34:38

Well thank you for having me. I loved getting to talk with you about all of this and, for folks who are interested, I will share actually starting this Sunday, August 8th, I am. Seven day Kundalini yoga practice for self-love. It's called the self-love Sadhna we'll meet daily online at 8:00 AM Pacific time, and we do the same practice every day for seven days. And it's Koreas and meditation specifically for love and invitations to falling in love with ourselves. So it's kind of what we're talking about today,

Melissa Costello: 35:11

that sounds amazing.

Shirley Johnson: 35:13

And it's really sweet. You get to practice and community with the same folks and really learn what it's like to build a devotional practice, and carving that time out for yourself daily, to meditate and be with yourself. I like to think of this as you know, the, the energetic way of paying yourself first or paying yourself first into your energetic bank. The way that. you know, we're learning, we sometimes learn to pay ourselves first in the physical sense of money, that how are we paying ourselves first in energy? Daily?

Melissa Costello: 35:42

do you do events like that regularly?

Shirley Johnson: 35:44

Yeah. so you can follow me on Instagram, where I always will post and have a calendar of any events I'm doing. My Instagram handle is soulistic wellness. S O U L I S T I C wellness. And that's also my website. So holistic wellness.com

Melissa Costello: 36:00

Awesome. Oh my gosh. Well, surely this was such a tree and thank you so much for giving your time and everyone go check out her website, go check out her events. I was watching you do the crystal balls on Instagram and oh, so beautiful. I was like laying on the floor, just listening and watching. And it was so beautiful. So go follow Shirley. She's got so much beautiful. Just beauty to offer and. Peace and calming. And I, again, I so appreciate you being on the show.

Shirley Johnson: 36:29

Thank you, Melissa.

Melissa Costello: 36:30

You're welcome. You're welcome. All right, take good care.

36:34

Thank you for tuning in to come home. I love hearing from you. So please leave your comments and questions. At karma child.com/podcast. That's also the place where you can sign up to get some free coaching from me on an upcoming episode. And if you love the show, please subscribe in iTunes and leave a review and share it with your friends.

Melissa Costello: 36:54

You can also find all my social media handles and sign up to be a part of my community@karmachow.com. Until next time, may you come home to what truly matters in your heart?