Come Home with Melissa Costello
Come Home with Melissa Costello
21: Stop Listening to Weight Loss Experts with Zilla
Weight loss is a frustrating and often unreachable goal. Many of us seek out experts to find the answers, only to end up disappointed and defeated.
In this coaching episode with Zilla, she comes to the session feeling confused and frustrated by her weight loss goals.
She's been following a pretty restrictive plant-based diet and has hit a plateau after losing some weight. She's part of a very well-known plant-based community with a weight loss "expert" who promises the world.
Zilla finds herself constantly comparing herself to many others in the community who are having stellar results. This makes her feel worse and to seek out other experts via webinars, podcasts and the like so she can finally find the answer to her weight loss.
I think you will find this episode a bit surprising and refreshing at what I tell Zilla that I hope will inspire you to STOP trying to find the next holy grail or expert that will promise you weight loss.
When listening, consider how many times you've tried to lose weight and have felt like a failure only to be caught up in the vicious cycle over and over again.
RESOURCES
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Hello friends. Welcome back. So grateful you're here. Thanks for showing up. Thanks for tuning in. Okay. I'm going to jump right in today because I'm doing a coaching session on today's episode with Zilla Zilla lives actually in Johannesburg. So it was so lovely to talk to her. I love hearing her accent. she came to this call asking me about weight loss. Such a big topic for women. Such a big struggle for a lot of women. And before I go into her story, I'm wondering if it's been a struggle for you. If you've been looking for the next answer or the next quick fix or the next. Quote unquote expert who is going to. Deliver the holy grail of weight loss. For me that. Journey. Went on for years and years and years. Until. I Decided that I was going to stop dieting. And take a completely different approach. And one of those approaches required me. To stop listening to all the weight loss experts out there, all the wellness experts out there, all the health people out there that said they had the answers because the truth is. They may have the answers for one person or two people, but they don't have the answer for every single person out there. And it's super frustrating. I felt disappointed often, which I'm sure you have. If you've been on a diet followed a way of eating. And then only to stop following that way of eating and to gain weight back. It's oh, Whenever I talk about it. It feels like a punch in my gut. So. That says a lot. The other night, I was, on a call with my whole hearted woman community, which is a membership ship community that I offer, which by the way, I'm opening up spaces in November. So. If you're interested in learning more about that, and please make sure you get on the wait list. I'll put the link to that in the show notes. We're doing such good work in there. It's such a beautiful community of women. Super supportive. Very like-minded just. Diving into all things healing. Authenticity. Following our hearts, reconnecting to ourselves, all of those things that a lot of us women are not doing on a day-to-day basis. And we're just kind of. Caught up in life, just doing life and not really living life. So on this call. One of the participants. Came to the coaching session. And I said, what would you like to be coached around? And she said, weight loss. And whew. It's such a big topic. And I said, what about weight loss? Then she said, how do I lose weight? I have a goal to lose weight. And I said, well, the first problem is that your goal is weight loss. Because that goal. Often. Is unrealistic. It's. Mountainous for a lot of us because we have no idea. What it even means to actually lose weight and keep it off. So my encouragement to her was to change that goal. Into something that she could focus on in her day-to-day life. That supported her overall wellbeing, health. Mental health, emotional health, physical health. And that nourished her on a deep level. So that's a lot. What I talk about today in this coaching session with Zilla. Because here's the thing for those of you out there listening, I'm sure you all get how to eat healthy. We all know what to do. And if it were as easy and you've all heard me say this before. If it were as easy. As following a diet and staying on it and losing weight and keeping it off, we'd all be doing it. We'd all be at the weight we want to be. None of us would be struggling with food. We'd all be doing it. So, yeah, most of us know what to do, but there's something that stands in the way of us actually doing it. And that thing is dieting. Because dieting is based on restriction. It's based on deprivation. And when we're approaching our food. From a place of restriction and deprivation. Guaranteed. We're always going to have that pendulum swing to the other side. And then most of us, because we're perfectionist. A little recovering perfectionist over here. Are going to give up. Because either a we're not going to see results quickly enough. B, we start to see results and then we. Let loose a little bit. Or C, it's just too hard. There's too many things that are sabotaging us. We just aren't able to. Stick to a diet. So for me, when I mentioned earlier is when it all changed is because I gave up dieting and I started to look at my relationship with my food and my body. And I worked on that. And when we focus on what makes us happy. When we focus on nourishing our lives, body, mind, and spirit. On all levels. Somehow that's when the weight starts to shift. I don't want to say fall off. Cause we have a lot of these experts out there saying the weight just falls off. As you listen to this episode, you'll hear me calling bullshit on a lot of that because that's not always necessarily true. And if that does happen, that usually means you're going to gain it back. With a vengeance. So. Zilla who is on this call today? She shows up super confused. Because what does she do? She listens to all these experts. Out there. All of these webinars, she's become obsessed with listening to nutrition, webinars, and all these experts. And she's so confused. And then there's all these people that are saying this way of eating change in my life. I lost weight. It never came back. It just fell off. Right. She's listening to these people who are having this experience. And comparing herself to them, which. When we compare ourselves, right. We just put ourselves in a state of despair and then. We don't know these people, we don't know their history. We don't know their genetics. We don't know what they've been through. We don't know if they're emotional eaters or not. And so she's comparing herself to these people and then feeling like she's a failure feeling. Like this doesn't work for me. And then she's also become obsessed with the scale. So she's lost a bunch of weight on the front side after going vegan and eating plant based and going sugar, oil and salt free. So yeah, if anybody does that, you're going to lose a bunch of weight, but are you going to be able to. Maintain it and sustain it. No. Cause you're cutting out large food groups. And you're also listening to people who are. Demonizing food. And they're telling you you're bad or you're wrong if you're eating those foods. Which we all know that never works. So I know you're going to get a lot out of my conversation with Zilla. Number one. We touch on. Some. Action steps. She can take. To start to shift the way she's relating to her eating. Cause she really actually loves plant-based eating and she feels really good. But one of the first things I, I tell her to do, and I think you're gonna be shocked. Well, I'll let you listen to the episode so you can hear it. I'm not going to give it away. But anyway, we get to a really good solution at the end. And I give her some powerful action steps that she can take. To move herself out of diet mindset, which is detrimental, keeps her obsessing about the scale obsessing about. Gaining two kilos when she lost a bunch upfront, but she doesn't acknowledge that she just focuses on the. two killers she gained in a day. Versus looking at the overall big picture, which happens a lot. We become obsessive when we start to lose weight. And then when we stop losing weight, we feel stuck. We feel like we're at a plateau. But that's just the body trying to normalize. And a lot of us give up then. That's why diets don't work. So I can't wait for you to tune in. Let's go on over to the episode. I could talk about this forever, but I really want you to hear my conversation was the law. All right. Let's head over there. Hi, Zilla welcome. What's your question today?
Zilla Woznica:Hi, it's alert from Johannesburg in South Africa. So I'm a 61 year old female and, always had a issue. Reweight our concept of it would be huge. I've never been small either. And the only thing that I changed last year off to try lots of different things. What's going on to a vegetarian, to vegan, to try and do a whole plant-based diet and, have had a bit of luck, but I'm finding it really hard to maintain it the whole time. And I just find that even when I listened to old. And webinars and how people say it's such an easy thing that if you just follow the kind of eating pattern, you'll never have to worry about. weight But I don't see how to find it so easy that I never have to worry about weight. I just find that as soon as I'm going to try something different weight just goes up and I don't find that such a simple story to maintain that. it.
Melissa Costello:Yes, I would have to agree with you there. And I think that the people who are out there in the world that say things like that, do not understand that we are human beings. They believe that we're robots.
Zilla Woznica:Yeah. I just thought it was me because So. many people say that the white just pools of you and that you never have to worry about it. And I'm just finding that really hard to believe all of that.
Melissa Costello:I acknowledge you for listening to that intuition because you are exactly right, because what is being promoted as dieting. And so following any kind of meal plan or specific way of eating is dieting, and that doesn't mean you can't eat a plant based diet and still thrive and lose weight and get healthy. And there's something around this idea of following a certain way of eating that is very depriving to our system. And when we go into deprivation mode, that is going to automatically over time pendulum swing to the other side, where we then will go overboard with our food. So. It's not as easy as what you're hearing following some meal plan, and it'll be great for the rest of your life. That's not the way it works. And that's why I do the work that I do is because I'm someone who really struggled with food and yo-yo dieting and going up and down in my weight and all of that kind of what you were explaining. And I did all the diets and followed all the meal plans. And what I found was that it's not that it didn't work. It's that I learned that it's a broken system. Does that make sense?
Zilla Woznica:It does. Yes.
Melissa Costello:So for you Zilla, what I would say to you is that if you weren't trying to lose weight and you were just wanting to live in the day to day, your best healthiest life, how would you be eating?
Zilla Woznica:Well, would I be eating? now? sort of got so used to that, listen to shift Aja and listening to all the people that have been on all these vegan whole food plant-based stories that, actually I haven't had meat or fish or eggs or cheese or things up it for the better part of that. Say almost going on a year, probably not advanced ten months and I've managed with it. I'm not always as good with the flour, sugar stories. at the beginning, I was fantastic with it but found that some days between that and not having any bread or any of that type of thing, I, go from being a K to, teaching of a vegetarian day,
Melissa Costello:So I asked you a question around, if you were not dieting and you were living your healthiest life, what would your eating look like? And you immediately launched into your conversation around dieting and how you've been deprived So when I'm asking you is if you took all of that away and you were really just working on your health day in and day out, focusing on respecting and honoring your body and enjoying food. What way would you be eating?
Zilla Woznica:Well, I think I would probably stick with this because, it's the only thing that has helped and made sense to me and helped me lose weight up till now. Whereas other things haven't and as I said, listening to so many webinars over this past year, it just seems to be the healthiest way of dealing with food and respecting your body and staying healthy.
Melissa Costello:And it sounds like you're also struggling with this idea that you're quote unquote cheating or not following it. Exactly
Zilla Woznica:Well at last year, after that I'd set up to April, I was doing really well. It's probably also now winter's coming in and it's, you know, the competition is going crazy. So it's, I suppose, a whole lot of other things. So I must be honest by and large. I am doing it back to listening to that. No oil and no salt and no sugar and no flour and know this and that. and I found that as soon as I don't follow exactly. The scale seems to go up. And I know that the one thing I do with you not as suppose to do is weigh yourself every day, but somehow I just feel a lot safer by weigh myself every day.
Melissa Costello:there's a lot to unpack here, Zola, because to be honest, your struggles with your weight really have nothing to do with the food and the fact that you feel like you need to weigh yourself every day to feel in control or to feel safe. That tells me a lot about the meaning and the value that you're putting on the weight on your body. I understand you want to be healthy. That's important. And we also live by a very, very broken system when it comes to food and dieting. And oftentimes we're confusing weight and health because there are a lot of studies now that are being done that show that our weight doesn't always equal our health. And we also, you know, I don't know how it is there in Johannesburg, but to here in the states, everything is focused on the way we look and that we have to weigh. And it sounds like it's, it's similar to where you live because you're listening to people in the United States like chef AJ and those types of people who are telling us to cut out very, very large food groups. Oil sugar, salt. Those things are in almost every food, right? Unless you're, if you're buying processed food, they're in almost every food we cook with those things on a regular basis. And so cutting out those things is going to leave you feeling deprived. and basically then when you eat those things, you're going to probably feel out of control when you're eating them. And then you're going to put weight on. Which if you're so focused on your weight going up and down a pound or two here or there is going to freak you out,
Zilla Woznica:Correct.
Melissa Costello:So there's a different way of living. There's a different way of living where you eat for your health and to honor your body and you let your body figure out what weight it wants to be at. Not some number that you think it should be.
Zilla Woznica:That I do get, yes. I just that, I reckon that I could be. done two or three more kilos and I'm just not winning in that direction.
Melissa Costello:And if you were down two to three more kilos, what would be different in your life?
Zilla Woznica:That's exactly what I was thinking about the other day, Casa, as I say around April time, I just managed to hit that, but it was like a one day story. And since then, I've never been able to, and probably nothing because I'm sure the clothing and everything else is exactly the same as what a, you know, two or three kilo's wouldn't back there difference it's just more controlled thing in the mind more than I would change anything.
Melissa Costello:So what we try and control ends up controlling us.
Zilla Woznica:Okay. Makes sense.
Melissa Costello:So you trying to control, this is actually taking control of you. You're losing your power over food.
Zilla Woznica:Yes.
Melissa Costello:So that's why I asked the question. If you aren't dieting and you didn't have to lose weight and you were just eating to nourish your body and to feel good in your body, how would you be eating? And you said, I'd probably be eating the same way I already am. My sense is that you wouldn't want to be so restrictive with maybe oil and salt and things like that, which I can't ever imagine giving those things up. And I eat those things regularly and I am as healthy as a horse. And my body is at its normal weight and it took a long time for my body to get there. But I wasn't at my normal weight when I was restricting and depriving and dieting. So what does that tell you?
Zilla Woznica:It's just got to talk with the flow type of thing and it's your body will sort itself out.
Melissa Costello:it's really about in the day-to-day of life honoring and respecting your body and nourishing it. And that doesn't mean that you deprive it. If you want to have a cookie here and there, you want to have something with oil in it, or you want, right. It doesn't mean depriving it of that for those two to three kilos, which actually probably have no impact on your health negatively.
Zilla Woznica:no, not at all. A health thing. Goodness is fine
Melissa Costello:So can you see how we get caught up and obsessive about these things when it's not even really serving us on a healthy level, it's not serving your health for you to be obsessed about this.
Zilla Woznica:Nah, probably not. And I know if I talk about it with family and friends, I dropped them all crazy. So I must be honest at this stage. I'm not saying anything because. And I know that then everybody's think there's a there's a problem. And this, that, and the other. So I was a lot heavier, as I said last year. And then when I started following this, I did lose quite a bit of weight, which has been great. but as I suppose, I'm just more escaped now of putting on again.
Melissa Costello:Well, and that's the problem with, with following these more restrictive diets, because we will lose weight and then it's a struggle to stay there, Because it's almost like our body is not normalizing. It's dropping a bunch of weight, but then it actually has to normalize when we start to eat in a regular way and not a restrictive way. And yes, some people can live this out as a lifestyle. Right. They can live it out as a lifestyle. And that's a choice. Most people cannot because it's so deprivational like, it's so depriving that then we often, oh, I'm cheating or I feel bad because I ate this or, oh, I put two pounds on. Cause I'm weighing myself every day because I'm so obsessed about. The ups and downs in my body. Cause I I'm scared that I'm going to gain weight back.
Zilla Woznica:Yeah. As I say, because a lot of the webinars that I have watched from a it's all the Americans they all seem to cope perfectly, never gaining a killer, never going up, never, you know, never deviating from it. And it just sounds so easy for everybody.
Melissa Costello:Yeah, because they are selling you something. That's why it sounds easy. They're selling you something.
Zilla Woznica:even if they're all just free talks, you just listen to everybody and they just don't seem to have an issue with any of it.
Melissa Costello:maybe. So my guess is that they're not being 100% truthful and there are people who don't have. Emotional issues with food or family issues with food or using food, for relieving stress or emotional eating or things like that. There's people who don't have that and they can just easily go. Yeah, I'm going to follow this way of eating and that's going to be my life and that's okay. Those people are very few and far between in my experience. And so what I would say to you Zilla, is I think the healthiest thing for you would be to get off of every single one of those Facebook groups and lists that you're in, that have all of these people that you're comparing yourself to, because it's not helping you.
Zilla Woznica:Yeah, you. probably right, because I've become so obsessed with listening to every one of those podcasts that I'm doing it at all hours of the day. And not just to catch up on everybody. on all these stories that are going on the whole time,
Melissa Costello:And what is that teaching you? What are you learning from that?
Zilla Woznica:it just to try and see if I can get my eating methods in balance with all of these people that? are managing and, and seeing weight drop happening so easily and quickly.
Melissa Costello:number one. That's bullshit. Cause weight drop doesn't happen easily and quickly ever unless you're on some kind of super high restrictive diet. So excuse my French, but that is bullshit. I'm going to call bullshit on that. it's not the way it works.
Zilla Woznica:Okay.
Melissa Costello:Even for myself who I lost 30 pounds. I did it over the course of two years because I stopped dieting and I learned how to eat mindfully intuitively and to honor my body. So all these people you're listening to who you're seeing the weights dropping off easily. It's bullshit. I'm sorry. People say that.'cause they've been through most people who have dropped away have done it over a period of time. I'd say, go talk to those people in two or three years and see where they're at.
Zilla Woznica:That's what the whole thing is, is that most of these people that have been listening to, as I said, know anyone from all over the states, mostly. they all talking about having done it and been following this way of eating for years and years and years, and never, ever having to never having put on a kilo
Melissa Costello:so Zilla, the reason why there, those people are talking is because they're using those people as their quote unquote testimonials so that you, you will buy into their way of eating. They're selling you something and they're going to pull the people out of their community that have been very successful and still in the bigger picture. It's still a very small percentage of people who can live that way.
Zilla Woznica:Okay. Now that makes sense, because I've seen lots of so many vegan people are so many. I just think that it sounds like every second person that, well, everyone that comes on there is whole food plant-based and just doing that slack pretty simply.
Melissa Costello:That's great for them.
Zilla Woznica:and you obviously not into that way of eating.
Melissa Costello:I am a Vegan and I eat plant-based I have two vegan cookbooks, so that's my lifestyle. I don't preach it. I don't tell people to deprive themselves of anything. I don't tell people to cut out large food groups. What I do teach people is how to learn, how to trust their bodies and stop comparing themselves to everybody else. They see out there who they think is doing something right, because I guarantee those people. There are a very small percentage of what you're seeing. And you're living in a vacuum because you're in that world. And in that world, it's all those people who just eat and live that way. But outside of that world, then there's all the other people who are struggling To keep the weight off. If they don't live that way. Or if they don't deprive themselves, if they go off a certain way of eating, but you've seen over the course of this last year is that you've became obsessive about it. So how is that serving you?
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Zilla Woznica:Probably not great. because, as I say, I've got into such a routine and such a habit of literally getting out of bed in the morning, going to the bathroom, going to the toilet. washing and then standing on the scale and then recording on a calendar each day as to see where I'm at and see if I can get this number to go down. So it's obviously not to me, the greatest health.
Melissa Costello:Yeah. And if the number goes up, how do you feel about yourself?
Zilla Woznica:Yeah, that I really am not happy left today. For instance, I know that it has gone up and the neighbor said to me today, just what are you doing that you've gotten so thin? And my first reaction was, no, I haven't, I've actually put on two kilos. And she said, yeah, I'm sure you have. I said, yeah, I know the scale has gone up. And she said, yeah, well, I can see that you have, and just say, thank you. And I was nervous, but I've seen the scale's gone up.
Melissa Costello:but then you're also missing the fact that you've lost a bunch of weight in this last year and the scale has gone up two pounds from where you lost the weight. Right. And yeah. So now you've become obsessive. You've lost the whole reason. Why you started this in the first place, which is to get healthy and to feel better. And to yes. Lose weight. But now you've gotten obsessive about it, which is what happens.
Zilla Woznica:Correct.
Melissa Costello:So Zillah my encouragement to you and what I would love to see you do for some action steps to support you, because here's the thing, you actually know how to eat now you've been in that community long enough. You say you liked the way it feels when you eat that way. So you actually know how to eat. There's no more information that you can collect. That's going to help you. And you comparing yourself to all these people who are keeping weight off and dropping weight easily and eating this way so easily. That's not helping you either. your, not them. They are not you, you're a unique individual. You need to find your way. And so what's going to come up for you is that you're probably going to be afraid that you're going to gain all the weight back.
Zilla Woznica:I don't think I let myself do that, but I don't like to sing it going up.
Melissa Costello:you know, the way we can help you from seeing the weight go up,
Zilla Woznica:Yeah.
Melissa Costello:take away the scale.
Zilla Woznica:and just be confident that it's and get on the scales.
Melissa Costello:Well, where does real confidence come from?
Zilla Woznica:No it definitely it comes from? within.
Melissa Costello:So it doesn't matter what that scale says. That's not where your confidence comes from, and that's not the place that you want to try to get your confidence in your day to day life. Is it from some metal thing on the ground or glass thing on the ground? Like that's gonna, that's gonna give you your confidence for the day or not.
Zilla Woznica:definitely doesn't.
Melissa Costello:so let's talk about how you can build confidence from within, instead of relying on some metal piece of whatever on the ground that you're looking to, to feel better about yourself.
Zilla Woznica:So probably the only way I can do it is just to eat what I believe I needed the time. And, maybe instead of doing it every day, go to once a week or once in two weeks or something to that effect at once a month, but it takes quite a lot of mindset to get there.
Melissa Costello:yeah, maybe you take baby steps. You go down to once a week, then you go down to twice a month, then you go down to once a month, then you go down to every six months. I don't weigh myself ever.
Zilla Woznica:Really.
Melissa Costello:I just know how I feel and they know how to feed my body. You know why? Because I stopped dieting and I started listening to my body.
Zilla Woznica:And when you say listening, if the days that you hungry eat more, the days that you're not hungry, you eat less.
Melissa Costello:exactly because we're human beings and we're women, you and I, we have hormones in our bodies, even though, you know, even if we're past menopause, we still have hormones in our bodies. There's so many factors like sleep and stress and how we're taking care of ourselves. There's so many things to factor in that. Cut out sugar, oil, salt, and just eat vegan does not address. Cause then there's also pleasure in food and well, I love cookies. Okay. Well, if you love cookies, then you need to eat cookies. And for me, the way I've worked with that is I make my own and I make what feels good for me. And for me, that means gluten free. I use natural sweeteners. Like that's what that means for me. That doesn't mean that's the right way. That's how that works for me. So that's what I mean about, you have to find your own way.
Zilla Woznica:no, that does make sense. in, in some way, and some of these things, I know that what they're eating, all these funny names stuff, firstly, I don't even know what they are. Secondly, I wouldn't even know where to find it here. so a lot of that, I don't follow all those fancy recipes, but when I see those kinds of things, and I think if I have to go on a dates and I have to go and like all these comments about don't eat nuts ever. And all of that type of thing just makes you think that, if you go to heaven, then that's the reason that the scale will go up.
Melissa Costello:which is bull because that's not right. Those things are usually not what makes the scale go up. What makes the scale go up is eating more than your body needs and not moving your body enough. And, and then also genetics, hormones, water. There's a lot of stuff,
Zilla Woznica:Right now I know genetics. Definitely. I don't come from a skinny family by any means.
Melissa Costello:So there's so many factors and someone saying to you, if you're eating sugar, sugar, oil, and salt, and the scale is going up, that's because you're eating those things. That's bullshit. And so that's why that way of thinking is so damaging to us as human beings.
Zilla Woznica:And adding in a, some fitas in a nut butter or whatever, and things off that.
Melissa Costello:Oh, my God. I live on nut butter. I live on potatoes. I live on nut butter. I live on all those things that they say you shouldn't eat because
Zilla Woznica:you potatoes, rats, you know, lots of'em
Melissa Costello:lots of complex carbs
Zilla Woznica:and that's of starch and carbs. Yes. But just not oils.
Melissa Costello:Yeah. And whatever, that's their belief system. I don't believe in that. And you know what, I'm healthy and I'm at a good weight and I've stayed there for the last 10 years.
Zilla Woznica:Yeah, you see, that's what I would love to do is just get there and be able to stay there. And that's my dream
Melissa Costello:Well, you're not gonna do that by dieting. You're not going to do that by restricting large food groups. You're not going to do that by cutting out things that then you feel deprived and then you end up overeating them. That's not how it's going to happen. you know, I had to do that through doing deeper inner work, around my relationship with food and myself and my body. It wasn't through any diet that changed it.
Zilla Woznica:So the bottom line is just to go on gut feeling, see what I want at the time. And if not, for instance, if you don't want to send it for lunch, then, and you want a fruit and you just have an apple or an orange or whatever else there is. And just go on how you feel at the time. And if there's something extra you want, you have it for that day and don't make a habit of doing it every day.
Melissa Costello:Yeah, it's really about checking in with yourself in the moment. And also here's the thing when we live in a state of deprivation, we can become emotionally drawn to food through what we call cravings and cravings are usually usually have an emotional flavor to them because if we're craving things, it's either we're being deprived of them. Or we're looking to those things to change the way we feel. So. If you have cravings or you start to in your mind, if you're eating something outside of this strict plant-based way of eating the key is to actually do it without any judgment and to give yourself full permission, to fully enjoy whatever you're eating, and then you get to move on from it.
Zilla Woznica:Okay. Well, that's pretty much, yeah, that makes, that makes things. So
Melissa Costello:And that's a practice Zilla that's a practice.
Zilla Woznica:as you say, maybe the answer is. To just work with what I'm doing with at the scale and take it from there to start with.
Melissa Costello:And I would say, just look at this as an experiment right now. And I, and I really encourage you to get off all the, out of all those Facebook groups, because it's not helping you. It's not helping you. You're comparing yourself. You're, you know, you're living in obsession. And you know, what happens when we do that. We miss out on life. We miss out on life and we miss out on what's really, really important.
Zilla Woznica:Yeah, you're probably right because, like checking to see who's speaking and who's on the next webinar and who's on the next podcasts. And, just like every time I'm busy padding up or doing something in the house because I'm home so much of the time now. got this podcast or somebody talking in my, in my ears the whole time.
Melissa Costello:So here's, here's what I would encourage. If you want to listen to podcasts, listen to something inspirational versus food related. So something around maybe personal growth or inspirational or spiritual or something that supports you in building your confidence and how you feel about yourself. Cause all that crap in the diet world and the wellness industry, that's not going to support your confidence. That's just going to make you feel like you're not doing enough. and when we're living in that world, it automatically leads us to not trust ourselves. It constantly is telling us if you're not doing this, you're doing it wrong. if you're eating this, you're eating it. You're, it's it's bad or wrong. And then that creates shame. And so this is where you get to lean into trusting yourself and building trust with your body. Does that make sense?
Zilla Woznica:No, it definitely does. Yes,
Melissa Costello:Okay. And that's what I, I really encourage for you is to, you know, how to eat. You don't need all these. Experts. If you will telling you what to do, you don't need all of their, you know, people saying, oh, well I follow this. And the weight falls off easily. Like that's not what you need. You need to, to turn towards yourself, listen to your body and build that trust with yourself.
Zilla Woznica:Okay, well, let's really does. It really does make sense. It sounds great. It's probably, easier said than done, but, you know, I suppose it's the first step, as you say, in not listening to all of those things and getting rid of the scale and then taking it from there as to how things go.
Melissa Costello:Yes. And I would encourage you to just be really gentle with yourself. Be really kind to yourself, know that it's going to feel scary and uncomfortable at first. You know what I mean? Because you're going to take away all these things you've been relying on, but now you get to rely on yourself, you know how to eat well, you know what feels good in your body? And you don't need some external object on the floor to tell you what your value and worth is.
Zilla Woznica:Yeah, no, that does make sense. So I must be honest. That does make sense. Yeah, I suppose I've managed. If I've gone away, it's just that lately you don't go away. But if I've gone away for a week or two, without any of that, you know, you get through it, but then the minutes I've come back. It's not my first thing that I'm back on to.
Melissa Costello:Yeah, it becomes an obsession. Right. And then you just miss out on what's really important in your life. so what is important in your life?
Zilla Woznica:It's just to be happy and healthy, in today's days.
Melissa Costello:what are things that cultivate happiness for you?
Zilla Woznica:good relationships, good screen ships. And. enjoying the day, taking time out, going for a nice walk in the mornings with, or without a friend, but just not tuning into your phones and all of that type of thing, but just enjoying the outside and, reading, listen to background music that type of thing.
Melissa Costello:Beautiful and oh, no surprise. None of those things included dieting and depriving yourself. So focus on the things that have meaning and value to you. Relationships, nature, moving your body, reading, listening to music, put your focus there instead of where you've been putting your focus, which only leaves you feeling bad about yourself and getting more obsessed.
Zilla Woznica:Okay. All right
Melissa Costello:So that feel helpful.
Zilla Woznica:Very very helpful. Very, very helpful. As I say, probably easier said than done, but I suppose once I get the scale out of the bathroom and I don't wake up to see it in the morning and that sort of takes care of one issue already.
Melissa Costello:And yeah, it is easier said than done. And so what I want to say to you about that Zilla is just know this is a journey It's not a destination. It's not somewhere you're getting to, it's a lifelong journey and it's something that you're going to be experimenting with and playing with. And I would say enter into it with curiosity, not judgment, like, oh, okay, I'm going to try this out today. Or I'm going to see how this feels or I'm going to notice what's happening when I don't do this. Or if I do do this and just pay attention to that.
Zilla Woznica:I think the one thing that I've also started, which I never could think of before is if I am having something, if I did sooner, cramps from it, or if I don't feel good from then at least I'm more aware of that type of thing.
Melissa Costello:That's your body giving you direct feedback, And so what I would say to you is put your attention and focus on the things that make you feel good that nourish you, that light you up, the things that are valuable in your life and taking your focus away from all this obsession around food and your weight and your body will normalize your body will.'cause you know how to eat and the more you listen to it, and the more you pay attention in the more you eat until you're satisfied in all of those things, your body's going to normalize and that's how you will maintain weight.
Zilla Woznica:Okay. So, yeah, so then that's definitely resonates in a differently. Makes sense. and yeah, it really does. And I'm hoping that they'll find its own balance and maybe where I'm at now two or two and a half kilos more is where should be. And it was just, I don't know, let's say a flock that I got down a bit lower and it's not really, I don't know the ideal weight let's put it that way.
Melissa Costello:So I always say our natural weight is where our body lives when we're not living in deprivation.
Zilla Woznica:Yeah, because I've come back to where I'm at a few times. So if I've gone down, I've gone down for a day. If I've gone up, I've got up for a day or two, but I somehow seem to land up more or less at the same area again.
Melissa Costello:Okay, well, there you go. That's your body saying like, Hey, this is where I feel. Good.
Zilla Woznica:So that's what, but it's just trying to maintain that by doing, as you say, if you think that yeah, that doesn't cause me to sit in hassle and listen to all of these things in all hours of the night, obviously.
Melissa Costello:Right. And then it just makes you doubt yourself,
Zilla Woznica:Yeah, no, it's just makes me think. I can do that. And then this one doesn't drink any coffee and levity drinks this, and you can't have that. And you know, all of those type of things, that's it. It's impossible to follow everybody's story.
Melissa Costello:That's right. Yeah. And if you want to do those things for a short period of time, like, oh, I want to stop drinking coffee for a short period of time, because I want to see how I feel great. But you're doing it by choice. Not because someone tells you it's bad, like don't do that. Cause it's bad.
Zilla Woznica:I think my biggest thing is that thank goodness. And I don't want to say three pets on the back, but thank goodness. A lot of what I started wasn't specifically done. Well, it never really was done for health because so far touch wood. I don't have cholesterol or blood pressure or diabetes or any of those issues. you know, I wasn't doing it for any of those reasons. I do have a thyroid that it's been under control for a long time. So it doesn't give me major issues. I've never been like a gymnast with lift at the gym or done anything that led I've always enjoyed walking and still do. I'm probably doing a lot more of it now because of lockdown and everything else. So it's also a means of sanity. It helps the head, it helps the gut. It helps everything, but for me, but going for a walk and that's really become part of an everyday routine almost every day, because I really found that it benefits me and I missed it if I don't do it. So, you know, that type of thing has worked well. so yeah, as you say, I missed just forget the rest of the staff and go on what works for me.
Melissa Costello:Yes.
Zilla Woznica:Yeah. The same way is a spinning isn't my thing. Or, you know, pumping weights or whatever isn't walking is.
Melissa Costello:There you go.
Zilla Woznica:Okay, great. So,
Melissa Costello:Good. So was this helpful for you today?
Zilla Woznica:fantastic. Thank you. I really appreciate your help and your time.
Melissa Costello:You're welcome. And feel free Zilla to stay in touch and update me in about a month and let me know how things are going.
Zilla Woznica:definitely. will, thank you for everything. Really
Melissa Costello:welcome. Okay, you take good
Zilla Woznica:stay healthy and well and have a good day.
Melissa Costello:All right, my dear. You too. Bye-bye. I just wanted to say thank you so much to Zilla for sharing her struggles with us and sharing. What I know is really hard for a lot of women to be able to express the stuff. Out loud. Out in the world, out to the public. Because it's very shaming and there's many of us out there who don't feel good about our bodies and we're always on this mission to lose weight or to look different. Because we think that if we do, we'll be more accepted in society. But really it's just us judging ourselves and yes, culturally. The media, all of that. I know I talk about this at nauseum. But it's so important because. We're not supported as women. There's ages. I'm there. Sexism. There's weighTISM. There are so many things that are against us and do not support us being who we are. Unique individuals, no matter what we look like. No matter if our hair's gray, no matter if we have wrinkles. No matter if we have a pouch on our bellies. Or a pooch, whatever it's called. I so appreciate Zola coming to this episode today and sharing all that. And. If you are someone who has struggled with weight loss, struggled with yo-yo dieting. Struggled with emotional eating. I encourage you to get a different kind of support. Take a different approach. And this is the work that I do with my clients. in the world, because. Most of my clients have been yo-yo dieters. They come to me, hating their bodies, struggling with their weight. Comparing themselves to when they were a much younger age feeling like. They want to go back there, but knowing that they're really never going to get back there, the only thing you can do is move forward. And so my encouragement to you is if this is a struggle of your stop, trying to find. The next. Quick fix the next diet. The next. Way of eating, which is really a diet. That's going to be the thing that quote unquote works. Because it's really about you. Honoring respecting nourishing, supporting. And caring for yourself in your body. No, diet's going to teach you how to do that. And then what happens when you sabotage. That diet or you eat sugar one day and you feel like you've thrown it all away, then what. That's where the mindset work and the emotional work that I do with my clients really comes in because. We do sabotage ourselves. And if we don't look at that and we don't understand that. We're never going to be able to change anything. We're never going to be able to lose that weight and keep it off. We might lose it. But we'll definitely gain it back. And then we'll start the struggle all over again. So my encouragement to you, and I'll say this again is. Find different support. Find a different approach. And if this is something that you feel called to. Reach out to me. Shoot me an email. We can get on a free call together. We can talk through what's happening for you, and I can offer you some solution. Or come on the show. Come be coached on the show and get some solution. Zilla walked away feeling really good about. What we talked about and I checked in with her shortly after. And she said things were going well, but of course she's still struggling because the stuff is so ingrained in her. And it takes time to untangle it. It takes time to dismantle it. So be kind to yourself, be compassionate. I find the help you need. Stop looking for the quick fixes. No, that I love you and support you. And I want you to be living. Your best life, which means. 100%. Accepting yourself, loving yourself. And that may sound really hard and that may sound. Not tangible or pie in the sky, but the truth is it's possible. And it doesn't mean you're going to feel great every single day. But when you have the strategies and skills and you really have a practice to help you learn to love yourself and to build your confidence from the inside out. Things feel so much easier in life. There's so much freedom to that. It opens up so many things. When I healed all my food and body stuff, my relationships got deeper. My spirituality got deeper. I mean, so many things. My emotional world got deeper. And so many things shifted. For the positive. Because I stopped putting all of my attention and focus on my weight and my body. And started learning how to respect and honor myself. So I'm going to leave you with that. Here's coming home to your heart and your inner knowing. And I'm sending you so much love and I'll see you next time.
Thank you for tuning in to come home. I love hearing from you. So please leave your comments and questions. At karma child.com/podcast. That's also the place where you can sign up to get some free coaching from me on an upcoming episode. And if you love the show, please subscribe in iTunes and leave a review and share it with your friends.
Melissa Costello:You can also find all my social media handles and sign up to be a part of my community@karmachow.com. Until next time, may you come home to what truly matters in your heart?